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[05 Mar 2004|08:59pm] |
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the postal service - brand new colony |
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my xanga isn't working right now and i really feel the need to write. why is it that i find myself wanting to be preoccupied by you. i find myself wanting to be around you all the time. wanting to hear your voice. looking for your gratification. yet i know you've done nothing but hurt me. i find myself outweighing the little positives that you have in comparison to the many negatives. you've affected my life more than you know. last night confused me..
all of these bottled up emotions always seem to burst during inopportune times. i look at you and i see passed the exterior. i see that beyond the cold stare in your eyes and the intense guise you put on, there's a warmth inside of you. and i feel sorry for you because you've lost your ways. you've lost the guidance that He gives you. but in spite of your actions, God still watches over you and forgives you. sometimes you just need to close your eyes and look beyond the thoughts to stare at the white light. sometimes you need to allow yourself to breath in His soul and to hear the beautiful sound of silence.
i stare at my reflection in the window and the trees behind it. sometimes it feels like i'm watching the television set. that with just a click of the remote, the world outside would change. and i hope this for you. there are times, however, when your black heart engulfs your body. and an evil takes over your soul. and i swear, God cries. He cries for you. and i've cried for you. because i try to keep my head up high. but the weight of your burden pulls me down.
all i ask is that you find the angel that'll fly you into the sun. where you'll be too blind to judge.
but i still love you. in spite of the hurt and insanity you've caused, you've meant more to me than the world. i wish i could spend every waking moment with you so i could learn your soul, your every wrinkle, the music in your heart. i know that i make the decision to be distant, but i always seem to regret it.
i guess i just need time. in the mean time, i don't see anything wrong with our fooling around..
love always.
derrick
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rip a wave
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[14 Aug 2003|07:02pm] |
WOW, right on point.
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[05 Jul 2003|04:14am] |
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somebody buy me the self-titled cd by "The Few"!!! It's one of those things you want but don't want to pay for :D
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[26 Jun 2003|03:45am] |
something so profound, i just had to share
"One day you'll ask me whose life is more important, mine or yours. I'll say mine and you'll walk away never knowing you are my life."
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1 wave ripped| rip a wave
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| just PUSH iT like you'RE pregnaNT |
[22 May 2003|02:23am] |
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chill |
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alkaline trio - stupid kid |
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Cause IiiiiIIii...wanna soak up the sun
GOnna tell EVERYone to lighten up...
MY ASS
so HOW am i expected to soak up the sun when it's BLAZING today's hip-hop and smooth R&B?! So imagine me baking my already brown ass trying to get my tan on checking out the ladies in their teeny bikini's when all of a sudden my nose bleeds. Yep, so there I am, flexing my meniscles trying to look all hardcore with a damn ice pack against my nose and a huge wad of tissue. FUCKING pat...eh, it just seemed appropriate.
ANywho, so what has lil old Derrick been up these past few weeks? Let me leave you with some elevator music presented to you by Alkaline Trio as I recollect my memories...
.:Opened it up and sure enough there we were.arm in arm (up in arms) again.I know it's small but my last call's been called.half an hour ago.I know it's late but do you think you could at least.fix it for me:.
So as you all know, I've been pledging for SigmaAlphaEpsilon. Those fuckers are so rad it's unbelievable. Which reminds me...not to sound all skitzo, but moving on to a different subject...
You'll all be so proud. No longer am I MR. PUSHOVER. The other week I was in my fuck school, fuck the weather, fuck the world, the next person who pissed me off is going to get fucked kind of moods. Who better to totally make this volcano erupt then my roomie right? So check this...I see a gallon, not just a 12 oz, not even a liter, but a fucking GALLON of his piss lying on his desk. Me being me, I'd usually rant and curse the world until no tomorrow and then leave it be, but I was ready to go postal. You're probably wondering, what the hell did this fucker do?! I had nothing to lose, so I barged into his gf's room where they were studying and told his ass off until it was nowhere to be found. He said he'll throw it away and everything was all good, or so I thought. I leave for class and I come back feeling all cheery, and jolly and fucked up by goLLy to my room. There he says to me, "I put a cap on it." THen I turned all Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde on his ass and blurted things that will not be repeated on this here pg-rated LiveJournal entry. ANd he ONLY had the nerve to say, "fine all throw it out the window and wash all your vomit out." (*side note, I vomited off the blacony at the very beginning of the year, but I went out on the balcony, hosed it down, and windexed it until it was ALL gone) (**double side note, lmFao...what kind of come back is that. Not only is he crude and lude, but such a shame...i can only shake my head is disbelief, even up until now) so i beGan to notice that emotionally killing his ass wasn't going to work, so I was about ready to push him out that window, but my friend stopped me and I just ended up throwing a metal fork at his face.
*NOW HOLD UP AND WAIT*...let's rewind for a minute.
a fork?! dERRick?! ............oooooK
*fast forward*
Now thinking I was about to get all in trouble, I told him that I better not catch him alone cause I'm about ready to go all Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon on his ass (* of course not in those exact words)
soo ok. THis isn't a new dERRick. I'm still proud to be the pushover that I am, but you know, some people just need to get slapped back into reality...oh there goes gravity (oops, excuse me) With all that said, I've been having so much more of a rad time for sure this quarter. The fraternity is soo fucking rad and I couldn't be any more proud to call them all brothers. Can't wait if and when I cross over. Holla skaters.
omFg, if only i could spend as much time on my school work as I did on this entry. But moving on to this past weekend. It was some mad wickedness for sure. But instead of telling you all, just IM me for the story, cause it's quite long and I don't want to bore you.
In other news, I've decided that since I have both jobs already, I'm going to double up and move up the hierarchy of the A&F co. CULT by working at both A&F and Hollister Co. I'm going to save up whatever cash flow I make there for the first two months. Put a down on a souped up Wrangler, and use the rest of whatever money I have to take a roadtrip all across California all by lonesome self to hit the swells all across the coast and take some mad rips surfing and skim boarding. And then for sure, I'll visit my home boys and ladies along the way. I'm pretty stoked for this summer just as long as things go as planned. And with whatever money I can salvage, road trips to Las Vegas and Disneyland anyone?! Most definitely Disneyland with you Davis kids.
And no doubt, Hawaii is in the mix of those things for AT LEAST two weeks. Nothing but hiking, swimming, and outdoor adventure shit for TWO weeks. Real World here I come (not MTV style of course). Although, don't be surprised if you see my non-conformist conformist ass lined up auditioning for Road Rules...
I think that's about it for right now...See you all in about another 5 weeks when I'll give you another family fun filled story of my life.
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| On a High |
[11 May 2003|12:52am] |
I'm on a high, I'm on a high
there's nothing more to it.
We are the sea and the sky
and the blue that runs through it, yeah.
and there are some who say there are so many things I need
so I run or I fight and I crawl or I scream and I bleed
I bleed, I bleed
well, it's a lie it's a lie - don't you believe it.
if you're fine then you're fine - it's all how you see it.
oh, there never will be no conspiracy of happiness.
I'm on a high I'm on a high
and there's nothing more to it
I have the sun, it's a star
why should I refuse it
and there are so many reasons I could give you why I should be down
there's not enough money or time and my love you're not around
around, around
but it's a lie it's a lie - don't you believe it.
if you're fine then you're fine - it's all how you see it.
oh, there never will be no conspiracy of happiness.
you're alive you're alive - how else could you hear me?
you are fine, you are fine - there's nothing worth fearing
'cause there never will be no conspiracy of happiness
I'm on a high, on a high
we are the sea and the sky
I'm on a high, on a high
I'm on a high
It's a lie, It's a lie don't you believe it
'Cause I've tried and I've tried, and I can't really see it
Yeah, I'm trapped inside my conspiracy of happiness
said I was yours, you were mine but I didn't really mean it
and I lied and I lied
and I wish you hadn't seen it
'cause I'm trapped inside my conspiracy of happiness
I'm on a high, on a high, there's nothing more to it, yeah.
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1 wave ripped| rip a wave
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[09 May 2003|09:06am] |
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yea, I was going to write a long update, but I decided i'm way too pooped since I haven't gotten any sleep yet. Yes that's right, I pulled an all nighter to study for math. And you know how it is when you're lacking sleep, drinking lots of energy drinks, and choking yourself while brushing your teeth...if you don't...basically, I vomited while brushign my teeth. Not very pleasant. I had to take a time out and relax. On the plus side, my breath stayed so fresh and so clean :D
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| omFg |
[26 Apr 2003|01:07am] |
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I just realized I need a date for next week's PADDY MURPHY cocktail. It's going to be the shiznit, but I NEED A DATE =-O
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| .:cloudNINE:. |
[23 Apr 2003|08:16pm] |
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all american rejects - time stands still |
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This couldn't be any better. Have you just felt such a rush come over you when you meet somebody and immediately, you feel a connection with them? It's unbeleivable how is such a short time span, how quickly I've grown sooo damn close to some people. And it's great because for once, I finally feel like no one can take the world from me. Even all the negative people that have entered my life can't ruin this feeling.
There are those people who seem to be soo totally arrogant and lifeless, but deep inside it's because they're hiding some insecurity. And it just makes me feel bad because, despite how they've wronged me soo much, I only wish upon them the same feeling of optimism and joy.
I was long boarding the other day, and I must have looked like the biggest dorkus smorkus because I was smiling the entire ride. Wait shit, dude, that's me all the timE! jk. ANyway, I was thinking of how great my friends are. You are the most positive and gifted people I know, and I'm proud to call you family.
I've realized that college is what you make of it. The beginning of this year, I hated college because I let it run my life. I was my usual self and I settled for so little. But in retrospect, I've turned my college experience around. I actually took a risk and allowed myself to be vulnerable. I walked in with confidence and took a chance on something new. And I realized that people notice that confidence and treat you with so much respect. College has had its ups and downs, and in the long run, every road I've taken this year was so totally worth it. I only hope the rest of the quarter will be the same. And yet, throughout it all, I've managed to maintain my integrity.
aNd even though I haven't found someone I can potentially love, I'm having fun and that's what matters. I used to wonder why I let people push me over by being soo nice, but I realized, that's not what it is. You get a certain join by bringing a smile on someone's face. You feel so touched when you know you've helped someone get through some difficult times. I don't want to exclude the negative people out of my life. I hope that in some way shape or form, i can change their negative mindset.
Pledging has been wonderful. THe SAE guys are so rad and they're all about positivity as well. If I didn't feel that comfort and positive vibe, I wouldn't have rushed and become and pledge.
With that said, thank you so much Christina! It's been awhile since I've met some one of your stature. You have shown me nothing but gratitude and that makes me so thankful to have you in my life. May God bless your soul.
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1 wave ripped| rip a wave
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[22 Apr 2003|02:25pm] |
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I slept through all my classes today, and I haven't even gotten up off my bed. Even as I'm writing this, i'm still on my bed. :-[ (&@-*)(&@WQ$(*^@@#$ Being sick sucks!
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| Why all the judgment and negativity? |
[21 Apr 2003|11:43pm] |
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incubus - make yourself |
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I originally had a philosophical entry about first impressions and image, but I decided to put this instead:
If I hadn't made me, I would've been made somehow
If I hadn't assembled myself, I'd have fallen apart by now
If I hadn't made me, I'd be more inclined to bow
Powers that be, would have swallowed me up
But that's more than I can allow
Bow, aww yeah
If you let them make you, they'll make you paper mache
At a distance you're strong, until the wind comes
Then you crumble and blow away
If you let them fuck you, there will be no fore-play
Rest assured, they'll screw you complete
Til your ass is blue and gray
You should make amends with you
If only for better health, better health
But if you really want to live
Why not try, and make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
If I hadn't made me, I'd have fallen apart by now
I won't let them make me, It's more than I can allow
So when I make me, I won't be paper mache
And if I fuck me, I'll fuck me my own way
POW, fuck me in my own way
POW, fuck me in my own way
POW, fuck me in my own way
Fuck me in my own way
You should make amends with you
If only for better health, better health
But if you really want to live
Why not try, and make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
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[18 Apr 2003|08:55am] |
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I think it's fking hilarious that people drink all night, don't go to sleep, and drink all morning. WHy is my only response. It's baffling, but hey, entertainment for those sober ;-)
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| What time is it?! |
[14 Apr 2003|03:04am] |
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Omfg that's right, it's 3am. Why am I still up? Because my ass was just having the best and worst experience of my life. All I have to say is that i'm fking bruised all over my body, muddy as hell, and physically tired more than I have ever been in my life. and DUDE, this is every week...*sigh* I've never been so proud/ greatful and fking pissed off at the same time
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| i oh sooo love my MOM! |
[12 Apr 2003|09:16pm] |
PaNdAy209: i'm telling mom you keep gettin drunk
PaNdAy209: hahaahahhahah
PaNdAy209: mom was like
PaNdAy209: cool
sLaLoM3366: HAHahahHAHA
PaNdAy209: tell him to stop goin to school already
PaNdAy209: hahahahaha
PaNdAy209: she's just kiddin
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| Freakish |
[11 Apr 2003|04:27pm] |
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saves the day - freakish |
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Saves the Day dude....saves the day! ANyway, here I am trying to kill time cause the SAE brothers told me to be ready by 4 and what time is it, 4:30...so like i'm soo totally shitting bricks right about now. Like so ok, i'm sitting here lookin like a beach bum dork ass mixed with a preppy pivate school boy. But yea, the invitational bid dinner starts at 5, and i'm all, who eats dinner at 5?! So i have no idea WTF to expect. That's all :D
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| Rush event#3 |
[10 Apr 2003|01:05am] |
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stoked |
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justin timberlake - rock your body |
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AXO girls are the best ;-)
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| I have the stomach capacity of a 12 year old super model |
[09 Apr 2003|11:19am] |
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sean jean - get busy |
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like WTF is wrong with my eating habits. I bought all this Carl's Jr. food because I was starving. I had fking 8 fries, and I got full!!! like what the hell?!?! This is what happened at Macaroni Grill when i ordered pasta and an appetizer and got full of the appetizer. ANd like last night, I just had a plate of pineapples and carrots for dinner and got reallllllyy full again. Like dude, I should be eating more! what happened to the dude that used to be able to eat a meal for like 20 people. This is sad, reallllyyy sad. Like the bros at SAE think i'm like a woman for not eating when i go to their events...what do I do to eat more again?!
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